Goals for 2014
1. Patience, it’s only 2013, don’t get ahead of yourself.
2.Compliment more, criticize less. Even in your head bitch, life is to short to pick everyone apart. Who cares if that fat 73 year old gay man has a chihuahua dressed as Elvis on his shoulder, accept it. Tell him how that baby blue ascot compliments his eyes.
3.Do more with less. Get creative…need a new outfit. Grab your old New Kids On The Block pillow cases and whip up a cute halter top that will fire plenty of compliments your way …as long as you keep Jordan, Johnathan, Joey and Donnie on there. Not Danny.
4. Make the world fall in love with you and convince them they need you. Look, the world only likes you for what you can do for it so give them a good show…each and every last one of them.
6. Pay more attention to detail! This one is supposed to be number 5 dummy, stop eating shit.
7. Write more….whether it’s for stage or blog or a letter of appreciation, just write more. You think in jokes so just document that shot.
8. Fitness, treat your body good. You need to look good when you say “I do” so say I do to eating well and working out. Don’t waste your athletic potentials sitting on the couch all day…unless your writing.
9. Build a following. In order to make your entertainment skills more marketable create content people are interested in. Listen to your audience and they will return the favour.
10. Donate and be thankful for everything. That’s how awesome you are!
“Here’s that shit you needed. Now fuck off.” (via 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person | Cracked.com)
This will change your life
I stumbled on this Kickstarter and I am….flabbergasted? This is just one little snippet that I found outrageous. Like there are droves of children who are feeling pressured to get fat so they will fit in???? Say what??
I think this book will probably upset a few people, i think it will…
Ok I was reading an article about this shit on one of my favorite blogs of all time Filmdrunk and the comments that have been posted couldn’t be truer to mine own. The bitch is a walking contradiction, she has these fake tits that obviously says she was uncomfortable in her own body to begin with along with a myriad of terrible tattoo decisions. She has defintely done porn…so body issues much? Im so glad she is a horrible representative for “The Voice” that she is attempting to provide. It’s a terrible opinion to try and promote. I understand…. skinny bitches are allowed to get mad when people call them skinny bitches no one is taking that away from all you skinny bitches. It’s just too bad that this is your cheerleader.
So My Single Friend Went On A Date With A Man That Resembled A Mix Between Danny Devito and Post Drugged Elvis.
So my friend goes on a blind date with one of these fine gentleman from the online dating website that has seafood lure for a name. She comes up to me and says “Hey, remember that guy I was telling you about? Well im going to meet up with him tonight.” So i was like “OK, Cool, Have a good time.” Unbeknownst to me that we would later wind up at the same place. I didnt know where she was going it just so happened that I walked into this place that was apparently the site of an Open mic which they had just attended, and I see them at the table and she excuses herself and comes over to me and im like “Oh, is that your date over there?” to which she smugly replies with “Yes, he just can’t seem to stop amazing me.”
Let me paint a picture for you, there at that table sat a 5ft tall 275 pound adonis covered in so much hair that I was convinced if you shaved off would provide 5 wigs for a locks-for-love applicant. He was like if sonic the hedgehog ate 55 cheseburgers a day and was SUPER Italian.
So back to her, “He can’t stop Amazing me.” then she says “It all started with that shirt, when he first walked in here, I didn’t believe that outfit could possibly be worn by anyone other than a model. Im totally looking around to see if this is an impromptu fashion shoot for Vogue.”
Ok, the shirt was bright red and had the absolute gawdiest details, in like a gold trim. It was so intense that Christian Audigier would have to wear shades to look directly at this individual. The front had a lion wearing a jeweled crown with like a sparkling heart.
She then says to me “If i let him bang me, do you think he would let me dress him up in a diaper and take pictures.” I knew right there that we were going to be friends for a LONG time.
I MADE THIS PLEASE WATCH!!!
Video Tutorial: How To Fake Your Reaction When Receiving A Terrible Christmas Gift.
